


Defying Gravity

by br_kenglass



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Heartbreak, M/M, Matt brings adashi back together, Matt used to love Shiro, Mentioned klance, Pining Matt Holt (Voltron), Post Season 7, Sad Ending, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-29
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-08-09 08:55:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16446740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/br_kenglass/pseuds/br_kenglass
Summary: Matt knew how he felt. He knew that it would never go both ways, so why did it still hurt? He should be happy.He should be...But is he?





	Defying Gravity

 

_**Sometimes, happiness is what you find when you feel like there's nothing left looking for.** _

 

_I don't get why Katie's just so insistent that I don't leave garrison grounds. Can't a guy get some fresh air around here? She won't let me walk around alone either which is really weird considering I've fought my way through a gigantic space war. Maybe it's just messing with her brain a little, then I totally understand. I'm still a little shaken up from the war myself. Mom and Dad haven't pushed me too hard and neither has anyone else. I'm glad they're trying to understand how hard it was out there, especially when you never know if you'll live through the next day._

Matt's mental ramble was cut off at the sight of Shiro standing in the hospital hallway, talking with Keith who stood leaning against the door frame. He quickly gained their attention by jogging over and calling out in greeting. Keith waved and Shiro grinned at him.  _God, that grin_ , Matt thought,  _it's literally sunshine_. The brunette slowed down to a stop and looked between them both. "Hey, guys! I'm so glad to see you both! Katie's had me under close watch since everyone was discharged. You've got no idea how hard it is to sneak away from her in order to get some space."

"Considering how long you've been up in the stars, I'd think you would've had enough of space," Shiro said, chuckling at his own joke. It earned an unimpressed eye roll from Keith and a genuine laugh from Matt. "Good one, Shiro. Nice to know you've still got some lame jokes on you."

"They aren't lame! Right, Keith?"

"Ehh, debatable," the raven-haired male shrugged. Shiro huffed in fake offense as Matt pat his shoulder reassuringly. "Anyways," Shiro was quick to change the subject, "do you two want to come with me to meet up with the others?" Just as Matt was about to say yes-- because who  _wouldn't_ want to spend time with Shiro --Keith stiffened and poked the tall man's chest. He then crossed his arms as he began talking. "Nice try, Shiro. But, no matter how hard you try, we both know you can't avoid him anymore. You know how long we've been gone, how many times we've almost died. Or, in your case, actually  _did_ die. Adam's been expecting an answer to his question."

"He already got his question answered. That's the whole reason why I ended up on the Kerberos mission."

"No. He asked you what was more important to you. Are you really gonna tell me that the  _mission_ was more important?"

Matt knew what they were talking about. How could he not? Shiro had looked so beaten up and tired the day of the launch that Sam asked what was bugging him. The pilot brushed it off that time, saying it was just a lover's quarrel, but Matt knew better. He was Shiro's best friend and he didn't get fooled by the fake smiles and forced laughter. When they were alone, Shiro told him everything. Matt was mad, sorry, and guilty all at the same time. He was mad at Adam for making Shiro choose, sorry that his best friend had to go through a rough night, and guilty that he had begged Shiro to come too.  _If it weren't for me, he would've thought only of Adam. He probably would've stayed. None of this would've happened..._ Now, Matt didn't blame himself for everything, but he did blame himself for anything that happened to Shiro.

"Adam was the one who told me not to expect him to be waiting so I don't understand why you're trying to get us to make up. Matt, help me out here."

That brought his attention back to the present conversation. Keith and Shiro's voices had become muffled background noise during his short flashback. "Huh? Oh, uh," he stuttered, glancing at Keith who looked at him tiredly. "Keith's... right, Shiro. I mean, you aren't obligated to go talk to him, yeah... but it's been years since you've last seen each other. All the grudges and hurt feelings that you were holding against each other has probably settled down by now."

" _Thank you_ , Matt," Keith sighed. He stood up fully and put a hand on Matt's shoulder. "Your best friend and your brother are asking you to go be an adult and resolve this issue. What you had with Adam was something special, I know it was. It's what made me think that maybe loving someone more than anything in the world was actually worth it." Shiro looked down at the ground. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, sighed just as heavily. The officer reluctantly nodded and met Keith's eyes. "If it'll get you to lay off, then fine. I'll  _think_ about it." There was really no getting further than that, so Keith nodded shortly in response. "I need to go. My mom and Kolivan want me to join them for a discussion about what the next move will be for the Blade of Marmora. Good luck." Keith let his hand slip from Matt's shoulder and fall down to his side as he walked away, leaving them behind. "Well look at him being all mature and Mr. Leader," Matt joked, trying to lighten the mood.

"Do you really think I should?"

Matt looked up into Shiro's eyes which were clouded with frustration.  _How much does this man have to hurt before life finally lets him have some fun?_ As much as it pained his heart to say, the shorter male voiced his thoughts. "Y'know, the kid's got a point. Well, he isn't really a kid anymore, none of them are. But you and Adam really did have something great."

_I just wish it could've been us..._

He continued on, "Letting that go must be really hard, but who said you had to? People say things they don't mean when they're mad. I know you're feeling a lot of things right now. I get it. We just finished a war, you nearly died-- again -- and he did too, you've spent a long time away from Earth and it feels weird to see all the aliens you've saved helping out to rebuild your home. There's a shit ton of stuff going on and adding onto that stress probably isn't a good idea, but you're kinda leaving a lit match near a puddle of gasoline here."

"And how exactly is my situation with Adam anything like that?"

"Um... think about it like this: Leaving it unattended even longer than you have now won't lead to anything good in the future."

Shiro seemed to take it into consideration for a moment. Matt could practically see the gears in his head working things through. He was silently praying Shiro would just go with it and talk with Adam. It hurt enough knowing that not only was he friend-zoned, he was  _best_ friend-zoned. That was the gray area that was just platonic or familial enough to openly say 'I love you' to one another, but not romantic enough to mean it in the way Matt wished it did. He could easily cross the line and step into a different zone if he wasn't careful. Damn, love was hard. "What if Adam doesn't want to talk?"  _Oh now isn't that just some bullshit,_ Matt mentally groaned. "I've seen him walking around and talking with others, even spoke to him myself. It's happened a few times where someone will bring you up and he just gets this  _look_ in his eyes and you just  _know_ he's torn about something that's got to do with you."

There was a short beat of silence.

"What look?"

The brunette muttered a string of curses under his breath as he tried to come up with a good comparison. An idea rammed its way into his chain of thought. "Aha! Got it! When people talk about you, he looks the same way Lance does whenever Keith gets hurt. Have you seen it? The way he looks like a kicked puppy? Or, or, uh, the way Keith's been looking ever since he and Lance had their talk two weeks ago.  _Two. Weeks._ "

"That bad, huh?"

"Yup. That bad. But they don't look that way because they don't like each other, hell no. Everyone in this universe and the next one over can easily just how much those two care for each other. Love doesn't just go away, Shiro. Talk to him."

"I..." Shiro trailed off, looking like he was in deep thought. "Alright, I'll talk to him. Thanks for always being there to help me out, Matt." The other scoffed and put his hands on his hips. "You can think of it like that if you want to. I'm pretty sure you're the one always helping me, though." His eyes widened in shock at the sudden movement of Shiro's arms pulling him in for a tight hug. Realizing he was frozen on the spot, Matt relaxed and returned the embrace. What he wouldn't give to stay like this forever. He'd fight a thousand wars if it meant Shiro never had to fight any.

Sadly, the bliss didn't last long. Shiro pulled away and gave a quick wave before turning around and walking down the hall. Once he turned the corner, Matt sighed quietly to himself. The young adult soon found himself walking out to the open balcony area in the west wing. It was here that he happened to get the perfect view of the two people he least wanted to see at the moment. He was only two or three stories above ground-level, making it easy to get a clear shot of Adam and Shiro talking down by the garrison cars.

As the minutes went by, Matt found himself feeling more and more saddened at the turn of events. All that time in space, all that time on Earth before the Kerberos mission... pretty much all the way up until now, he'd been falling hard for his friend. Even after the dates and intimate moments Shiro had described to him in detail from pure excitement of sharing them with Adam. Even after Shiro proposed with Matt's help. He needed a cameraman after all, right? None of that could make the fire in his heart stop burning. It ached to know that there was no chance, yet his stupid brain kept saying maybe there was.  _Well... there definitely isn't one now,_ he admitted, watching as Shiro and Adam kissed passionately. So passionate that Shiro ended up falling back to lean against one of the cars from Adam pushing too hard. A broken chuckle escaped Matt. "Would you look at that..." he whispered to himself. "Guess Keith and I finally got through his thick skull..."

He noticed a few dark dots standing out against the color scheme of the balcony's borders.  _Rain? But there's no cl--_ The distraction brought him back to reality. He felt the hot tears falling down his face leaving warm streaks on his skin.  _Look at me, crying like a baby over something I should've accepted a long time ago._ Despite trying to hold back his emotions, Matt turned around and slowly curled up into a ball on the floor. He leaned against the borders and pulled his knees to his chest, hiding his face in them and letting down his act.

For a long time, he wondered what it would feel like to have his heart broken. To finally have that fire put out and have his hopes crushed. Fighting the Galra with the chance that each waking moment breathing could be his last seemed like nothing compared to this. It seemed ridiculous, honestly. Winning a violent war just to end up crying over an unrequited love? It was dumb, but he couldn't help himself. Matt was always the one that didn't cry easily. Between him and Pidge, it was her who teared up first. He would either sob like his eyes were flood gates opening or not shed a single tear. This time, it was the first option. Matt had a hard time remembering when he last cried this hard. Although he wasn't a loud, full-body kind of crier, he definitely felt the heavy sobs wracking his form. Even being on his own in the rebel forces didn't hurt this much. Neither did missing his family while he fought for his life, not knowing whether or not they were safe and/or alive.

So why did it make his chest tighten up? Why did it feel suffocating?

_I should be happy, right? I mean, what kind of best friend would I be if I wished Shiro and Adam never worked things out? That's so selfish... it's... i-it's so selfish, but a part of me regrets helping them._

 

_**Sometimes, happiness is not knowing the pain that others have to suffer.** _

 


End file.
